It becomes more evident by the day that I find it very difficult, always have and always will, to work when there is another presence around. What I mean with this is someone I know and have a relation to of some sort, who is in the same room or even in the same house or apartment. Regardless of me explaining that when I’m working, I need to do this alone for maybe 10-15 hours with few breaks and disturbances, sometimes late at night or all night long. “Yes, I totally get it” people say, but then they don’t really.
Because soon enough they hover around as I lock myself away, and when I get up to stretch my legs or just change position in front of the screen they excitedly look at me as a puppy is happy to see its owner or a child realising that “finally we can go, I’ve waited for ages!” My dad is the worst criminal out of the bunch, sweet as he is, when he interrupts countless times per day to ask “do you want coffee?” or simply state “I’m making coffee” or when he’s run out of patience announce “we’re having coffee now, your mum and I”. Right, coffee it is then.
Working in an office, especially the open planned versions in trendy London agencies where there is absolutely no privacy whatsoever and people sit next to each other like on a packed train smelling each others breaths, is out of the question. I tried for many years and never really understood why I found it so hard to focus and why everyone and everything made me so angry. Since becoming a freelancer, I have surrendered and accept that in order to be productive and function as a human being I need time on my own, and I mean A LOT of time on my own.
Sitting with my laptop in cafés in foreign cities is easy, with the constant noise and a flow of unknown people I don’t have to react to, as I have no relation to them. Having this globetrotter lifestyle, with all my belongings in one suitcase (I will get back to this another time) and dividing my time between different countries whilst working like a mad person, also suits me perfectly. That is, if I still have a room by myself to work early mornings or late nights, or just get my ducks in a row. Ideally in my own flat but as long as I have enough space I can, with some focus and coffee, share the roof over my head.
When people tell me “yeah I’m very independent too” I nod and think to myself “buddy, you have no idea what that is”. To be alone is scary for many people and they think spending an hour on their own in a café is pushing the boundaries a bit too far. When I tell them that I’m a freelancer, working for myself and by myself, with no home and no real base, with only one suitcase and nothing more but a head full of ideas and future adventures, they look bewildered and suspicious and somewhat scared. It’s like they wonder, “who is this crazy person, really?”
Well I guess I’m a sort of social introvert, who prefers to be alone but can easily chat away with strangers in bars. I’m a nomad who travels independently and find myself in strange and unfamiliar situations all the time. But I also need my own space with a door to close and with no interruption, in order to gather my thoughts and to plan for more mischief and adventures. So please, hold with the chitchat and coffees and “oh I just wanted to check if you’re alright” until later. Let the free spirit have her own space.
